This is the sympathy business. On a regular basis, we’re expected to offer up our condolences, well wishes, and sympathy. But empathy, a word which often gets confused for the same thing, is even more important to our success. Sympathy is defined as “feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.” Empathy, on the other hand, is “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” In short, you can be sympathetic without being empathetic. But empathy will make you not only more effective at caring for the bereaved, but at managing your business. The classic “burial-or-cremation” dichotomy is illustrative of this point. Even those who know better often let our language betray the misunderstanding that there are essentially only two kinds of people in the world: the conservative, religious, pro-burial traditionalists; and the liberal, postmodern, pro-cremation rebels. While it’s perhaps a step in the right direction to understand that not everybody wants the same thing, it’s not nearly a step far enough. IDEALS® ResearchThe reality of how the modern American — your customer — sees the world and your business is far, far more nuanced. McKee Wallwork’s proprietary research methodology, IDEALS®, asks thousands of people across the US hundreds of questions on their Interests, Desires, Emotions, Attitudes, and Lifestyles to discover market Segmentation. This psychographic segmentation research conducted by my firm has shown seven segments that people statistically sort themselves into, and each is much more complicated than a simple preference on burial or religion. For example, if I were to tell you that a heavily tattooed atheist was about to walk through your door to make arrangements, you might have some assumptions about that individual. But the 14% of the population who my firm has nicknamed “Free Spirits” (the most likely segment to have tattoos, and the most likely to identify as atheist) is also the most likely segment to have posted condolences on your firm’s website, the most willing to talk about their own funeral plans, and the least likely to express opposition to a viewing (that’s not a typo). In many ways, the individual you’re liable to write off as a direct-cremation loss is actually highly interested in what you offer. Or, while 40% of the market (a rapidly shrinking number, by the way) is what you might call a traditional funeral consumer, roughly a third of that group is motivated primarily by the quality, and even status symbol, projected by the funeral; another third is motivated by local ownership; and another third is motivated primarily by religion. These three sub-categories look very similar (in life and on paper), but confuse them at your own risk, because the reality is they will prioritize very different needs. At the other end of the spectrum is who we call the “Distanced and Decided.” These are the classic cremationists, but our research revealed an interesting nuance: community size (household size, proximity to family, frequency of communicating with family) seemed to be a driver in these folks’ decisions just as much as politics or religion. In other words, they’re prone to cremate primarily because they don’t believe anyone would come to their graves. This kind of insight reveals how our profession is impacted by societal and cultural shifts, and how new products and services will always be needed, tailored to evolving subcultures. Or, consider the youngest segments planning funerals. They split statistically into two camps: one, the “Resolute Rookies,” are more removed from death than perhaps any group of people in human history: they don’t know anybody who has ever died, and they think they can avoid the whole business as a result. But another cohort their same age is a funeral director’s dream: they understand that funerals are for the living, represent a post-Boomer pendulum swing back toward tradition, religion, ceremony, and viewings, and represent perhaps the most affluent category in recent memory who is ready to spend on funerals (long driveways and long bills). Empathy Applies to All SegmentsThe point is this: there’s no silver bullet, and while there is value in letting go of the “all-things-to-all-people” concept that is a burden and a distraction to your business, there’s even more value in thinking really intentionally about empathy. When we look closer than the simple choices and assumptions, we’ll be able to venture a guess at not only what people are asking for, but why. And when we do that, we can lead them toward the considerations and options that not only make for good business, but good grief. We don’t have to be a profession or a business. Our success will only come insofar as we do both. And the better we become at listening, looking deeply, understanding motivations, and seeking to provide people with what they really need (as opposed to what we think they should ask for), the more successful we will become — both as business owners and as servants to hurting families. This post looks at just a piece of the IDEALS® research, presented in Eric Layer's session Targeting With Data at CANA's 105th Cremation Innovation Convention in Washington, DC in August 2023.
What do consumers want? This is the $64,000 question everyone involved in the death care profession is trying to answer. You know your aftercare surveys are overwhelmingly positive. You track your online reviews and celebrate the positive ones, while addressing the negatives. You know your community and encourage engagement with local groups. Your reputation is your brand and you sleep well at night knowing the top-notch service you provide. At the same time a vocal minority of volunteer funeral consumer advocates have been telling the FTC staff for years that funeral service is criminal and in need of close scrutiny. Despite record low complaints, the Funeral Rule remains in place and is likely to be revised. Over the past three years, I have been the lead staff person working with the CANA board, members and other death care leaders to craft comments and responses to the FTC’s proposed revisions. On September 7, 2023, I was privileged to participate in the FTC Workshop: Shopping for Funeral Services. In addition to representing our profession to the regulators and consumers, the event provided a chance to listen to the arguments and requests set forth by consumer advocates and industry reformers. You can watch the recording yourself on the FTC’s website, but here are my key takeaways on how consumers view the funeral profession. FTC COMMISSIONER AND STAFF REMARKSOpening and closing remarks from the FTC focused on how unique the funeral profession is and how important the Funeral Rule is to the FTC. Commissioner Rebecca Kelly Slaughter opened the workshop by describing how the Funeral Rule protects customers when they are grieving and vulnerable, and also promotes competition – two reasons the Rule is central to the mission of the FTC. The commissioner quoted NFDA average funeral costs pointing out that funeral expenses carry the third largest price tag after a home or car, but they are the only obligation everyone will universally experience. From the title of the workshop, “Shopping for Funeral Services,” to the selection of panelists, the FTC staff focused on the transactional nature of death care. Consumer advocates are dedicated to lowering prices and educating consumers about the elements of funeral service that are necessary and those that are optional. The General Price List (GPL) is their primary tool used for these purposes. Associate Director of the FTC’s Division of Marketing Practices Lois C. Greisman closed the workshop by thanking panelists and the hundreds of attendees who attended in-person and online. She hailed the workshop as a success because the day held lively conversations designed to dig into pressing concerns. There were many disagreements during the course of the discussions, but it was an important opportunity to reimagine the future HOW HARD IS IT TO POST A GPL?During the event, consumer groups advocated hard for posting the GPL on existing websites, particularly for businesses that complete sales online. They maintained that posting a PDF or adding content to a website would be marginally expensive to the business and would build trust. These are difficult arguments to refute. Some consumer advocates admitted that the GPL is confusing and not ideally suited as a standalone planning document. They conceded that it is designed as a tool that is best used in conversation with a funeral director. However, the GPL is up for discussion. That means consumer advocates are empowered to suggest many additions and changes to GPL-required items (including third party crematory fees and other "hidden" fees) and disclosures (like the legality of home funerals, embalming disclosure to include federal and state law reference and then business capacity/policy). The common ground between all workshop participants was an acknowledgement of the necessity for consumer education on selecting and planning funeral goods and services. Members of the profession tended to argue that the GPL was a tool used in consultation with a funeral director. The advocates argued for posting it online and then having the consumer approach funeral providers with informed questions or selections. Throughout the day, there was a strong emphasis on how much the funeral profession and consumer preferences have changed over the past 40 years. It was repeatedly observed by reformer panelists that consumers want more control over and participation in funeral planning and activities. Industry protests against mandatory price posting were countered with accusations of hiding and thievery. Obviously, it’s true that transparency builds trust and many CANA members who post their pricing cited that as a primary reason. However, simply posting the GPL alone will not address the issue because, as we know, shopping for funeral services is a unique and complex experience. My takeaway is that consumer groups, like the Funeral Consumer Alliance and Consumer Federation of America, are focused on transparency and the ease of price comparisons. This can lead to the creation of comparison websites and concierge services—or even a Consumer Reports-style comparison survey or report. Just as the profession prefers not to be required to post pricing, consumers resent being forced to use funeral providers who aren’t transparent. THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAILSThe discussions about the logistics of posting pricing online, assuming it becomes required, centered on details. The consumer advocates on the panel debated format: HTML vs. PDF, mobile-friendly versions, and other accessibility questions. Should the FTC require a specific font, size, color, or document format? Or set general requirements that GPLs are “clear and conspicuous”? Should there be machine- and human-readable requirements? Consumer advocates were arguing for uniformity to assist their work in comparing GPLs, but failing to recognize that funeral providers are businesses who are actively pursuing calls. Technology will change, but market forces will ensure funeral providers meet consumer needs to earn their business. We also discussed that the primary purpose of a funeral provider’s website is to post obituaries and service information. A secondary purpose is to facilitate online condolences and the third is to sell funeral goods and services. This information is based on research CANA conducted among members, and it was well received by the panelists. The research showed that, among CANA members who post pricing, fewer than 1% of website visitors clicked on the pricing information. Additionally, the use of apps or social media largely supports backlinks to the provider’s website and is, therefore, not a replacement for a website. Advocates countered this argument by pointing to the fact that the death rate is about 1% of the population. While true, the death rate and clicks on pricing information have no direct connection. It is an interesting coincidence, I suppose. Discussions around fees were largely non-controversial. There was agreement on the advantages of the ability to discount basic service fees and the difficulties of requiring listing of cash advance items, including third party crematory fees, on the GPL. Basic service fees fall within control of the funeral provider, but cash advance items do not. There also seemed to be acknowledgement that “Direct Cremation” has become a package in the consumer’s mind. Cremation services have changed during the 40 years of the Funeral Rule, and one required item, Direct Cremation, does not meet the modern consumer’s needs. This is an exciting opportunity for our profession to influence the FTC on this topic. Are consumers happy with funeral |
Barbara Kemmis, CAE is Executive Director of the Cremation Association of North America, where she promotes all things cremation through member programs, education and strategic partnerships. After more than 20 years of experience in association leadership, Barbara knows that bringing people together to advance common goals is not only fun, but the most effective strategy to get things done. Barbara has served two prior professions as the Director of Member Services at the American Theological Library Association and Vice President of Library and Nonprofit Services at the Donors Forum (now Forefront). Barbara earned a master’s degree in library science from Dominican University, a graduate certificate in nonprofit management from North Park University and a B.A. from Earlham College. In 2021, Barbara earned the Certified Association Executive credential in recognition for her expertise and experience. |
Jason Widing is Vice President of Business Development for Foundation Partners Group. He has more than 15 years of business development experience in the funeral services industry. Prior to joining Foundation Partners, Widing was Senior Director of Business Development for PRECOA where he was responsible for driving and delivering new business objectives through strategic partnerships. Jason currently serves as the Legislative Chair for the Oregon Funeral Directors Association Board of Directors, as well as serves on CANA's Board of Directors. When not working, Jason enjoys motorcycle rides, Oregon Duck's football, and exploring the world with his family. |
Barbara Kemmis, CAE is Executive Director of the Cremation Association of North America, where she promotes all things cremation through member programs, education and strategic partnerships. After more than 20 years of experience in association leadership, Barbara knows that bringing people together to advance common goals is not only fun, but the most effective strategy to get things done. Barbara has served two prior professions as the Director of Member Services at the American Theological Library Association and Vice President of Library and Nonprofit Services at the Donors Forum (now Forefront). Barbara earned a master’s degree in library science from Dominican University, a graduate certificate in nonprofit management from North Park University and a B.A. from Earlham College. In 2021, Barbara earned the Certified Association Executive credential in recognition for her expertise and experience. |
Lacy Robinson offers funeral home clients more than 15 years of success in developing and facilitating customer service training programs. As an experienced coach and speaker Lacy has established organizations including Aurora Casket Company and the National Funeral Directors Association as leading providers of training and development for funeral professionals. Lacy currently serves as an instructor for Worsham College of Mortuary Science teaching Fundamentals of Customer Service and facilitates training programs for Johnson Consulting Group clients. Lacy is a licensed funeral director/embalmer, a certified funeral celebrant, member of board of trustees for the Selected Independent Funeral Homes Educational Trust, and has previously served on the APFSP Board of Trustees. She is a graduate of Georgetown College holding a bachelor’s degree in Communications. She is also a graduate of Mid-America College of Funeral Service. As an active member of Toastmasters, Lacy has achieved the designation Competent Communicator. Lacy is also an active volunteer for Hosparus Health in Louisville, Kentucky, and regularly presents engaging community programs to area senior adults. |
Lee Senderov is Chief Marketing & Digital Officer at Foundation Partners Group. A digital marketing veteran, she has more than 20 years’ experience in digital marketing, sales, business development and e-commerce in both public and private equity-backed companies. As a member of Foundation Partners’ senior leadership team, Lee is responsible for driving sales growth, advancing the company’s digital strategies and developing new e-commerce solutions. |
Barbara Kemmis is Executive Director of the Cremation Association of North America where she promotes all things cremation through member programs, education and strategic partnerships. After more than 20 years of experience in association leadership, Barbara knows that bringing people together to advance common goals is not only fun, but the most effective strategy to get things done. |
Welton Hong, is the founder of Ring Ring Marketing® and a leading expert in creating case generation from online to the phone line. He is the author of Making Your Phone Ring for Funeral Homes, 2019 Edition. Welton recently launched Elevating Funeral Service, a podcast developed with Ellery Bowker. They have an entire episode about Zoom with practical how-to guides that you can see here. |
Industry Term |
Words Consumers Use |
Funeral director |
“The guy,” “the funeral home,” “the mortuary” |
Columbarium |
Mausoleum, vault, wall, “that thing with the drawers |
Niche |
Drawer, “the little thing they put the ashes in” |
Urn |
Box, bag |
Cremated Remains/Cremains |
Ashes |
Scatter |
Dump, drop, spread |
Body removal/first call |
Pick up/take away the body |
Pam Kleese joined Homesteaders in 2005, bringing research and analytics experience gained through positions with the Maytag Corporation and Gateway. In her current role as Director—Research & Insights, she leads the company’s business intelligence functions and provides custom research services for Homesteaders’ customers.
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Barbara Kemmis is Executive Director of the Cremation Association of North America where she promotes all things cremation through member programs, education and strategic partnerships. After more than 20 years of experience in association leadership, Barbara knows that bringing people together to advance common goals is not only fun, but the most effective strategy to get things done.
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Jennifer Werthman is Education Director of the Cremation Association of North America (CANA) and adjunct faculty for Worsham College of Mortuary Science teaching FSE 109 - Cremation Principles and Practice. |
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